He’s not & She’s not.

Don’t always judge a book by it’s cover:

He does not have a BEER GUT -  He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY

He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS

He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS
He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL
He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION
He is not a SEX MACHINE - He is ROMANTICALLY AUTOMATED
He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY
He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED
He does not UNDRESS YOU WITH HIS EYES - He has INTROSPECTIVE GRAPHIC VISION

She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.
She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION
She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS -Sh e is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE
She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.
She is not a TWO BIT WHORE - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.

Things a woman should never say to a naked man.

 

 

 I’ve smoked fatter joints than that. 

Ahhhh, it’s cute. 

Why don’t we just cuddle? 

You know they have surgery to fix that. 

Make it dance. 
 
Wow, and your feet are so big. 

Can I write with it? 

 Will it squeak if I squeeze it? 

Oh no… a flash headache. 

Can I be honest with you? 

How sweet, you brought incense. 

This explains your car. 

Maybe if we water it, it’ll grow. 

Why is God punishing me? 

At least this won’t take long. 

I never saw one like that before. 

But it still works, right? 

It looks so unused. 

Maybe it looks better in natural light. 

Why don’t we skip right to the cigarrettes? 

Are you cold? 

If you get me real drunk first. 

Is that an optical illusion? 

What is that? 

It’s a good thing you have so many other talents. 

So this is why you’re supposed to judge people on personality.

 Does it come with an air pump

I guess this makes me the ‘early bird’.

Is it too late for love?

 I will start this post with thanks to all my readers out there. I appreciate your comments.

I am randomizing here because I have been told that it is a great way to help yourself learn how to be a writer.

With that said, I guess I should stay away from political topics here because I like to report and discuss facts rather than just spitballing.

I didn’t have a clue as to what I was going to write about here. What I will do is write about what I’m thinking about and feeling right now.

Let’s talk about love. I am still not 100% convinced that I have really been in love with a woman. This hypothetical does not include family members. I know that I have cared deeply for some women. I mean hell, I’ve been married twice. I’m just not sure that what I had with them was true love. I know that I am ready for it. I’m not going to seek it though. I want the love and romance scenario that I see happen to others or that you see on TV or movies. Is that asking too much? Do I deserve it? I mean, the statements that I made earlier in this post theorectically could disqualify me from the “give this brotha a break“ category. I am prepared to earn the love of my life. I sometimes wonder if I’ve met or seen her already and I missed it. I hate that thought but I just can’t seem to shake it either. Wow, that’s just another brick in the wall huh? Now I’m being paranoid though. That’s just what the average woman wants right? A paranoid loved starved lunatic. Oops, I digresss…. back to my fantasy. You people are getting me off track.

I remember being so frivalous & egotistical in my earlier years. So I also wonder if “karma” has caught up to me. Remind you now, I was never rude, disrespectful or bullish to any women. However, I must admit that I thought that I was “Dash Riprock” for a long time. Has karma now made it my legacy to never find love? Have the books been settled in the fictional love court? I hate the thought. I must have faith. I look at the positives I have going for me. I think I am marginally handsome, I am honest, I have an industrial strength humorous side. I’m a single father, a good son and brother. Would that be enough? I hope I’m not coming off as too needy here? That’s not it at all. I guess I’m just curious as to whether the fairy tale ever comes through for men as well.

Ok, everyone can dry their eyes now. I’m almost running out of random thoughts here and I don’t want to cheat the process by taking a break. This is pretty fun though. I suggest to any new writers like myself to give it a try and be brave enough to just go ahead and post it. Just in case this sucks though, I’d like to phone a friend….. Oops, there it goes again. Sometimes I just can’t keep my mouth shut. I wonder if that has come into play in my quest to be the only un loved man. I guess time will tell. Sometimes I just can’t get a hold on my Add. I believe that I have a totally new strain of that disease. I hope there is still a chance for me.

If this post has saddened or touched you in anyway… Please send $19.99 to “Get this brother a date” reality show starting this Fall.

 This is definitely just my opinion, I could be wrong. (Or just screwed, your call)